Does a song define who I am?
We are a society that is heavily influenced by music. We adapt to music in our own ways; either we live through the lyrics of a song, or we allow our souls to become engulfed with the beat. Songs create memories that are forever etched into our minds.
The one song that always brings me back to reality is "That's What Friends are For." We all have heard this song at least once in our lives. "For good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more...that's what friends are for." These truly are lyrics to live by. But have I?
Friendship isn't an easy task. I try to be a good friend, but a majority of the time, I fail. I don't give good advice; I can be judgmental; I don't keep in contact; I always have the intention of getting together, but I never follow through. I don't do this to be mean; I honestly think that I am like this because I am afraid to open up to people or I am a afraid of rejection.
As I type this, I think to myself. Do I even have a best friend?
Many women my age have that one special person that they call when good news happens. Or they have that one dedicated friend that will drop everything to be there for their friend. Or just even that one loving friend that calls their friend out of the blue just to see how they are doing. I used to have this. I just don't know what happened.
I think of the memories that I have as a young child. Almost every great memory has a best friend in the picture. My two childhood friends meant (and still do) the world to me. We did everything together. We would talk to each other on the phone for hours. When one of us would go on vacation, the other two of us would count down the days when the missing party would come back home. We would wait on our porches until we saw the car pull up. Our missing piece would be back in our lives and everything would feel as it should - perfect.
Over time, these the making of these "perfect moments" faded away. We went to high school and met new people. I never did admit it to them then, but none of the friends that I made in high school ever replaced them in my heart. I felt a void every time they would walk past me in the hallway at school and not tell me hello. But then I again, I was just as guilty. I didn't tell them hello, but I didn't say those words because I felt like I would be bothering them. So I kept my salutations to myself. Stupid, isn't it? If these people meant so much to them, why did I try not to include them into my life? I could never figure out why I did this, and to this day, I still don't know why.
The friends that I met in high school changed a bit year after year, but I made the most of my friendships. I still keep in contact with a majority of my friends from high school. After graduation, the distance put a damper on our friendships. I went into the military and they went off to college. Two different dynamics. I wish to this day that I had created stronger bonds with my friends when I had the chance. As I think back at the memories that we made together, I have no regrets. They were wonderful memories. The friendships were genuine and to this day, I am trying my best to rekindle a few of them.
I had four friends in particular who kept in contact with me when I went off in the military. They would send me pictures of their children, of their families and kept me posted on their lives. When I would come home from leave, we would get together. But for some reason, it didn't feel the same. I think I was resistant because I didn't want to get reattached to them and then leave one week later to back to base. I hated the feeling of leaving.
Many of my friends have gone through good times and bad times. When I think about the trials some of them have gone through, I wonder if I were a good enough friend to them. Were they afraid to talk to me about these situations because they didn't feel that I had anything to offer them? Did I not make myself available to them? I kick myself all the time for being so distant. Why am I like this?
My goal with my friendships is to stop hiding. Stop expecting everybody to make the first move. Stop making the same mistakes. Stop being a coward.
So to all my friends out there, I am sorry. I am sorry that I let go of our friendships. I am sorry that over the years, I have not been there for you. I am sorry for not answering the phone when you call or call you back if I missed your call. I am sorry that I allowed my insecurities come in between our friendships. I am sorry if I wasn't there for you during the good times and the bad times. But one thing is for sure. I am vowing to be "by your side for evermore, because that's what friends are for."
We are a society that is heavily influenced by music. We adapt to music in our own ways; either we live through the lyrics of a song, or we allow our souls to become engulfed with the beat. Songs create memories that are forever etched into our minds.
The one song that always brings me back to reality is "That's What Friends are For." We all have heard this song at least once in our lives. "For good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more...that's what friends are for." These truly are lyrics to live by. But have I?
Friendship isn't an easy task. I try to be a good friend, but a majority of the time, I fail. I don't give good advice; I can be judgmental; I don't keep in contact; I always have the intention of getting together, but I never follow through. I don't do this to be mean; I honestly think that I am like this because I am afraid to open up to people or I am a afraid of rejection.
As I type this, I think to myself. Do I even have a best friend?
Many women my age have that one special person that they call when good news happens. Or they have that one dedicated friend that will drop everything to be there for their friend. Or just even that one loving friend that calls their friend out of the blue just to see how they are doing. I used to have this. I just don't know what happened.
I think of the memories that I have as a young child. Almost every great memory has a best friend in the picture. My two childhood friends meant (and still do) the world to me. We did everything together. We would talk to each other on the phone for hours. When one of us would go on vacation, the other two of us would count down the days when the missing party would come back home. We would wait on our porches until we saw the car pull up. Our missing piece would be back in our lives and everything would feel as it should - perfect.
Over time, these the making of these "perfect moments" faded away. We went to high school and met new people. I never did admit it to them then, but none of the friends that I made in high school ever replaced them in my heart. I felt a void every time they would walk past me in the hallway at school and not tell me hello. But then I again, I was just as guilty. I didn't tell them hello, but I didn't say those words because I felt like I would be bothering them. So I kept my salutations to myself. Stupid, isn't it? If these people meant so much to them, why did I try not to include them into my life? I could never figure out why I did this, and to this day, I still don't know why.
The friends that I met in high school changed a bit year after year, but I made the most of my friendships. I still keep in contact with a majority of my friends from high school. After graduation, the distance put a damper on our friendships. I went into the military and they went off to college. Two different dynamics. I wish to this day that I had created stronger bonds with my friends when I had the chance. As I think back at the memories that we made together, I have no regrets. They were wonderful memories. The friendships were genuine and to this day, I am trying my best to rekindle a few of them.
I had four friends in particular who kept in contact with me when I went off in the military. They would send me pictures of their children, of their families and kept me posted on their lives. When I would come home from leave, we would get together. But for some reason, it didn't feel the same. I think I was resistant because I didn't want to get reattached to them and then leave one week later to back to base. I hated the feeling of leaving.
Many of my friends have gone through good times and bad times. When I think about the trials some of them have gone through, I wonder if I were a good enough friend to them. Were they afraid to talk to me about these situations because they didn't feel that I had anything to offer them? Did I not make myself available to them? I kick myself all the time for being so distant. Why am I like this?
My goal with my friendships is to stop hiding. Stop expecting everybody to make the first move. Stop making the same mistakes. Stop being a coward.
So to all my friends out there, I am sorry. I am sorry that I let go of our friendships. I am sorry that over the years, I have not been there for you. I am sorry for not answering the phone when you call or call you back if I missed your call. I am sorry that I allowed my insecurities come in between our friendships. I am sorry if I wasn't there for you during the good times and the bad times. But one thing is for sure. I am vowing to be "by your side for evermore, because that's what friends are for."
I love you and thank you for loving me when I didn't deserve your love. You are amazing!
PS
And to those awesome ladies that I have known since before I shaved my legs, I miss you. Let's promise to do lunch in 2013.
PS
And to those awesome ladies that I have known since before I shaved my legs, I miss you. Let's promise to do lunch in 2013.
I think you are (as always) being to hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat's part of what makes a friend a friend...one who doesn't need hand holded yet knows they are loved. One who knows that no matter the last time that words were exchanged, love is still there.
A friend understands that life is busy...too busy. And doesn't judge you based on it.
Friends also understand that you have different people in your life that fullfill different needs. You call one to cry to, one to laugh with. Or maybe you call no one and do those things on your own. And that is ok.
Now I do think that it is important to connect. And I get that. But it is hard. And that doesn't make you bad. Take me...if you are gonna be my friend you must know: 1) I hate talking on the phone. Hate it. 2) If I am not at work, I am at home. I am a home body. But...if you need me...you better believe I will be there.
And I know that is the same for you. While distance and years have come between us seeing each other. And that totally sucks. But I know that the minute I needed you for anything, I know you would be there. And I would hope you would know that the same goes for me. While distance is there. The love I have for you in my heart can never, and will never be changed. Just as I assume I am part of whom you have become...you are a huge part in whom I have become. And I wouldn't have picked any two other people to walk that road of childhood/ preteen/ teen years with. My girls are my heart. And you are one of those girls.
Plus, between the three of us, you were always the one with the biggest sweetest hearts. Danielle and I were not that role. I think I was the sassy one and Danielle was the wild one (God love her). :) We were quite the trio. You could have never been a "bad friend", then...or now.
Knock, Knock, Knock...you there??? :)
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